im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
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