I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
