So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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