Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
