When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
