i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
