fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
