We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
