All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
