question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
honey bunches of taint.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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