OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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