Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
