i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
