It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
