im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
