I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Every concussion has its silver lining
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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