he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
