Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
