just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
