Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
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