The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
