areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
