Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
