I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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