My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
