Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
