I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
