I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
