What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
