Pregnant stripper...not hot.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
