I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
