If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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