Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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