Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
You took a bar mat shot.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
