She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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