Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
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From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
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Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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