I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
