just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
