Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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