When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
