apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
