True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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