My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
