Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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