don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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