hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Randomize
