Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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