I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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