The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Randomize
