Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I think my fart just growled at me.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
