I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I am never drinking with the goths again.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
