I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Randomize
