Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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