Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
