you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
