it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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