I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
