Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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