Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Randomize
