she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
why is half of my head shaved?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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