Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
