btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
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Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
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Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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