In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
