wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
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