Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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