Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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