was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
