at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
